Take A Look At My Hidden Side...

"J'AI DÉCHIRÉ MA MÉMOIRE..

MA GUEULE..

UNE PHOTO DE TOI" 

Ma vie n'est plus ici..je le sens..je le vois..je le vis..
Mais ailleurs je n'ai pas vraiment de vie..pas encore..
j'ai l'impression que je n'ai aucune appartenance..j'appartiens à l'ensemble vide..
je ne me sens pas tout à fait chez Moi là bas..et ici..je ne me sens pas du tout chez Moi..je ne me sens Plus chez Moi..

En revoyant les gens qui faisaient autrefois mon monde, je me vois sous plusieurs versions..
et ça me surprend.. je me surprends..je peux être n'importe qui..à n'importe quel moment..en fonction des situations..des gens..du temps..de l'éspace..

J'ai peur..
mes envies ne sont plus les mêmes..
mes plaisirs ne sont plus les mêmes..
mes joies ne sont plus les mêmes..
mes priorités ne sont plus mêmes..
mes projets ne sont plus les mêmes..
je grandis..et..ça me fait peur..

j'ai la manie d'écrire..

Mes écritures virent toujours au gris..

Mais aujourd'hui je me sens bien..et j'ai envie de le dire..de l'écrire..

Je vais bien..enfin..Je vais bien.

First time I went to his place I was uncomfortable and a little bit scared...

I didn't know him well..I didn't know him at all. Besides, I have never ever gone to a man's house before..

There was my first time in a man house!

It was about 3:00 am..he was driving me home when he asked :

"what about watching a movie?"

I was telling to my self..

"You will better go home Cinderella"

But I didn't feel myself a Cinderella anymore..and I didn't want to be a Cinderella anymore..

"Ok," I said,drawing a perfect artificial smile on my face trying to hide my confusion.

Once upstairs, I love his place..those incredible inspiring paintings..I was staring at them when he asked:

"Do you want a drink?"

"A glass of water please,"

"I don't have only Whisky..I have soft drinks too"

"Ill be fine with a glass of water, thanks."

I drunk my glass of water..he put on the movie..then..we kissed..A 3 hours long kiss then came the time to Cinderella to go home!

On the way back home I asked him

"how old are you?"

"I am 31,"he answered.

That was another first in my women life "going out with someone 10 years older" ..

I have always hated Love..

I have never felt myself happy in Love..

It used to be always source of anxiety, threats and scare for Me..

Little happiness and great pain..

I didn't want more memories with that guy i was loving..i was already enough attached to him..i was crazy loving him..which was quiet normal..he was..is..a special guy and he was the only one i ever knew..

the First in my life..

My first "I Love You " went to him..

My first "hand in hand" was with him..

and my first kiss..was our kiss..

But there are more firsts in a woman life and i didn't want them to be related to him..

because i was loving him enough this way..

I needed to have my other firsts with someone else..

someone who didn't really mean to me..

...

and there was this stranger man..

perfect stranger..

and..i don't know how , all the firsts of my women life that i haven't done yet were related to him..

• "REVES DE BLANC" | 05-11-2008
• "Ma tête n'est pas écologique..Elle gaspille tout le temps de l'enérgie" | 22-10-2008
• BIG BIG GIRL IN A BIG BIG WORLD.. | 18-10-2008
• ESCALATION..TAKE ME HIGHER.. | 18-10-2008
• UNE PENSÉE.. | 15-10-2008
• "JE NE ME TUERAI PAS..MAIS..." | 29-04-2008
• AUTOMUTILATION | 27-04-2008
• MES DÉMONS | 26-03-2008
• "PERDUE..DANS MA TETE" | 22-03-2008
• "A..COMME ABSENCE" | 02-03-2008
• DÉCHIRÉE | 02-03-2008
• LOST | 02-03-2008
• "ENFIN..JE VAIS BIEN" | 12-02-2008
• "31" | 05-02-2008
• FIRSTS..OF A WOMEN LIFE.. | 05-02-2008